We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
