eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
