Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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