made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
