I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
