he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
