I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
