Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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