i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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