Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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