I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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