I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
