I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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