dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
