I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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