You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
