I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
