He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
