I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You can't just leave with hair like that
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm bleeding and have questions
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
