I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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