I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
