I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
