No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
