You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
