i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
