I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
