Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
