You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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