Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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