Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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