i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
