How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The air taste purple.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
