Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
id be glad to
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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