I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
