Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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