i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i think i have herpe
just one?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
