so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
