cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dignity is for republicans.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
