Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
