Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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