She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
