I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
