you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
