in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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