U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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