you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You're like the curious george of whores
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
