The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
