I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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