the new term for farting is butt boxing.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
handjob tips. give me some.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
