so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
