Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
