T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
